Wait . . . you ain’t heard about Antimalaria, Candida and Bigknock!

Darlington Majonga



Candida Mosoma



WHAT’S in a name, really?

So much – especially if your name is Lovemore, Givemore, Reason or Setfree!

We don’t normally realise the weirdness of such names until you are somewhere outside Zimbabwe.

Or unless a foreign visitor in Harare asks: “Did you just say your nephew is named Tedious?”

I’m not sure if my auntie who named me Darlington had heard about the English town in the Tees Valley.

In any case, the origin of my name must be the easiest considering how often the term “darling” is used by lovers, friends and the like.

The Holy Book has been a source of many names.

That’s why we have the likes of Naboth, David, Samuel, Israel, Abel, Cain, Esther, Mary and so on.

Film, television, music and books as well as sport have also influenced mothers and fathers in naming their offspring.

The likes of Aaliyah, Brandy, Beyonce, Rihanna, Ronaldo, Enzo, Usher, Denzel, Bryan, Alan, Gary, Sachin, Romario and Chris, to name but a few, are among popular celebrity names.

But why would parents name their child Trymore, Punishment, Silent, Godknows, Danger, Limited, Method or Credence?

My friend Shakeman has never told me how that name became his, but I guess his dad used to idolise Shackman Tauro, one of Zimbabwe’s former soccer greats.

Parents have tended to name their children to reflect their wishes or experiences.

My brother is named Gilbert.

Fine, right?

But if I tell you my dad was in love with a gin called Gilberts what do you think?

Your guess is as good as mine why a footballer in Zimbabwe was named Have-A-Look Dube?

Maybe some people had sworn that Have-A-Look’s mother would never have a child.

Or she wanted her enemies to watch how she would go up the social ladder in life?

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

As a journalist I have come across dozens of these strange names.

At Caps United there was Danger Fourpence and someone was claiming his sister was Dangerous.

Musareka Jenitala, Herbert Dick, Laughter Chilembe (Zambian), Givemore Manuella, Trymore Mtisi and so on were regulars on football team sheets.

However, some of the names end up subjecting the owners to ridicule, especially at school.

My other friend, Wishbone, must have not-so-fond memories of how we used to tease him.

Oh, we had Previous, Privilege and Smart too!

While we were covering Zimbabwe’s 2008 presidential and parliamentary elections, colleague Stephanie Nolen of Canada’s Globe & Mail thought an elderly man who gave his name as Bigknock Marikopo was joking.

You ain’t seen nothing gal, I told her.

I just referred her to the list of parliamentary candidates for that election.

There was Antimalaria, Cowboy, Dicky, Settlement, Moreprecision, Hotera (Hotel), Charm, Mainroad and Ready.

Phew!

My late sister once taught at a farm school in Bindura where names such as Size, Chocolate, Fitness, Bigboy, Shame and Tryness were ordinary.

Our Shona names leave a lot to be desired as well: Nhamo (Poverty), Sekai (You can laugh), Mandivavarira (You are on my case), Tinei (What do we have), Munodei (What do you want), Ticharwa (We will fight), Shupikai (Suffer) and Musorowegomo (Mountain crest)!

We do have them in South Africa too – Candida Mosoma, a former Rhythm City and Idols SA contestant, takes the cake.

Some of you, especially women, surely know about thrush – vaginal or oral.

But were you are aware that it’s a fungal infection known as candidiasis and caused by the candida yeast?

There you have it!

No, even if Tino had another man!

I CRINGED when I saw the image of a pulverised Tinopona Mapereke Katsande which was this week posted on social networks and online media after her alleged altercation with her boyfriend.


Not that this was my first time to see such harrowing pictures of victims of domestic violence.

I have, in fact, suffered from it in the worst way: one of my dearest relatives was murdered by the jilted father of her son after she had finally stood up to his abusive ways by moving out of their shared apartment and seeking refuge in my home.

You can imagine my horror on my return home to find blood splattered in my apartment after the man who was always professing perpetual love for our dear Sharon had ripped her throat open and lacerated her breasts and lungs simply because she had had enough of his antics!

It could have been the worst too for Tino.

Yet I found it more repulsive to read posts and comments – including by women – that apparently condoned the brutality suffered by the former Studio 263 actress.

Some felt Tino deserved the battering because she had “crossed the line” by reportedly asking her partner to help with some domestic chores.

Washing dishes, to be precise, she claims.

Whether that was the real reason for the altercation or not is neither here nor there.

Even if Mr Macho had found her in bed with another man!

Who beats up men for our philandering behaviour and failure to carry out our own roles in families and relationships?

In any case, there is nothing “unAfrican” about couples, married or not, helping each other with domestic chores – including laundry, cooking or making the bed!

It’s a tragedy that we seem to have accepted violence as part of our everyday life.

Yet in the history of mankind physical confrontations have routinely failed as the ultimate solution.

Social and cultural norms that tolerate violence as an acceptable way of resolving conflict are so stone-age I don’t believe we are in 2012!

The consequences of domestic and other forms of violence are devastating, with thousands dying from such abuse every year.

Others are left to cope with physical and emotional scars.

It’s high time we all accepted we have a big crisis on our hands.

We simply have to be civilised.

Preventive measures have always been the best and it’s imperative for all of us to focus on the root causes of violence – including poor parenting, bullying, drug and alcohol abuse and generally poor education.

This calls for concerted efforts from every one of us.



Battered . . . Tino after the alleged assault.



All smiles . . . Tino at work before the facial carnage

 Surely, we can’t be a barbarian society that tolerates violence or any other form of abuse.